how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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