pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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