I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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