It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
