Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
