I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize