My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
