I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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