i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
