Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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