I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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