Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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