Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
