at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize