u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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