Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
