I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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