So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
