I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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