Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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