I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
