Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?