nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
