it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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