I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
