She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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