bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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