There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
