I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
