I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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