her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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