Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
