So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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