Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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