so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i came on her dog
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
