I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
