i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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