You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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