rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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