ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
