I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
