wat bout pragnant strippers??
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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