Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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