but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
