Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
