I need help removing her.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
