so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
