its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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