I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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