my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
