Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
