Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
