I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
