Is it normal to miss your booty call?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
