I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
