White coat. Heels.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
