TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my shit smells like andre
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
