weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
