Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
