So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
