I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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