I'm going to rape someone's good day.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
