Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
