I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
