the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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