I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
