you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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