about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
