A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
